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Warning: Distressing content
A mum whose child was emotionally and sexually abused by a daycare worker has warned other parents about the subtle signs of secret abuse.
The mother shared the harrowing experience to a local online parents group, explaining that she wanted to warn other families about dangers occurring “when you least suspect it”.
She revealed that the daycare worker who abused her child was someone they had trusted and who seemed “amazing” and “took a shine” to them – quickly earning their trust.
But while everything seemed wonderful, it soon turned into a nightmare after they discovered that this person was “emotionally and sexually” abusing their child.
“My child was recently emotionally and sexually abused by a carer at their daycare,” they wrote.
“In this situation, all the right people are not engaged (police, department of education, DCJ, the office of the children’s guardian, counsellors etc).
“But this is my plea to other mothers. Please be aware that this can happen to your family when you least suspect it.
“This person gained the trust of his co-workers and the other parents (including us).
“They appeared to be amazing, turning the classroom around with their school readiness program.”
She went on to explain the worker “took a shine” to her child, and was seemingly helping them deal with the emotions of having a new baby in the home.
“While this person appeared to a positive influence on the family’s life, the sickening reality was far more sinister,” tbe mum added.
“They drove a wedge between my child and the family, telling my child they weren’t loved by us.
“They took advantage of existing fears my child had and used them to blackmail them into not speaking up, so when my child expressed fears they appeared to be normal childhood fears.
“They had a juvenile demeanour and was ‘like a buddy to the kids’, telling them things they shouldn’t have been confiding in with children.
“At the time, it was almost refreshing to have a carer that was down on the kids’ level and not always politically correct, but I’m definitely not seeing that way now.”
The mum urged other parents to be vigilant and to not be afraid to speak up if they feel like something does not feel right.
“Take it from someone on the other side of this and please don’t be afraid to seem like a crazy over-protective parent,” she said.
“If you feel sus about someone in your child’s life, don’t ignore the signs, even if it seems like you are the only one with doubts.
“I wish I had gone with my gut.”
She said her counsellor recommended a book called ‘my underpants rule’ and added that if your child is saying something “odd” to believe them.
The Australian Child Maltreatment Study (ACMS) estimated that around 1 in 4 (28.5 per cent) Australians aged 16 years and over have experienced child sexual abuse, with females twice as likely to have experienced child sexual abuse than males (37.3 per cent compared to 18.8 per cent).
Childsafety.gov.au outlined some indicators that a child may have suffered from sexual abuse.
“Children and young people may express a range of physical and emotional symptoms that could mean they are distressed or going through trauma, including sexual abuse,” their website states.
“The age and developmental level of the child or young person will affect how these symptoms present.
“Some children and young people who have been sexually abused will not show any obvious signs or symptoms.
“Understanding child sexual abuse and talking more about it are effective ways to help prevent and identify child sexual abuse.
“Physical signs that a child may have experienced child sexual abuse include headaches, stomach aches, bed-wetting, change in appetite and/or weight loss, nightmares and sleep disturbances, bruises on soft parts of the body, like buttocks or thighs, changes in the genital area, such as redness, swelling, or discharge, and pain or burning when going to the toilet.”
The website outlined that while there was no typical profile of a person who might commit child sexual abuse, there are two factors that are statistically important characteristics.
The first is that the person is usually known to the child, and most perpetrators are men.
“Research indicates that most child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone known to the victim or survivor,” they said.
“In a study of people who experienced sexual abuse before they were 15 years old, 79% of individuals were abused by a relative, friend, acquaintance or neighbour.
“Only 11 per cent of people who experienced sexual abuse before they were 15 were abused by a stranger.
“Studies of child sexual abuse show that men are more likely than women to commit sexual abuse in non-institutional environments, such as online or in the family home.
“Similarly, reports to the Royal Commission by victims and survivors revealed that 93.9 per cent of institutional child sexual abuse was perpetrated by an adult man.”
There are many resources available for parents and children needing help, available here.
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